


where there are butterflies

by d_jinn



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hanahaki Disease, Implied Anxiety Attack, M/M, Romance, hanahaki, hanahaki disease au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 02:31:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11864787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d_jinn/pseuds/d_jinn
Summary: Kyungsoo likes flowers. Little blue flowers. Kyungsoo hates flowers.





	where there are butterflies

Downcast eyes, fidgeting fingers and a thundering heart. Kyungsoo takes in a deep breath and wills all the courage he can find.

A nibble on the lip, a tremble in his voice and an, “ _I like you, Jongin_.”

Silence.

One second, two seconds, three seconds. Kyungsoo can’t breathe. Four seconds, five seconds, six seconds. Kyungsoo’s brain spins with pessimism. Seven seconds, eight seconds, nine seconds. Kyungsoo’s shoulders sag.

Ten seconds, and an “ _I think I like you too_ ,” marks the birth of a hundred butterflies in Kyungsoo’s stomach.

 

Casual clothes, shy smiles and warm coffees. Their first date as a couple.

Nothing special, nothing grandiose – just the two of them, in a cozy café with soothing music playing in the background. Not an unfamiliar setting but Kyungsoo loves it all the same. Only this time, they’re sitting right beside each other with electricity running through his body from where their knees make contact.

Sips of coffee, small talk and a comfortable atmosphere.

Light chatter fills the café but all is tuned out, all is ignored because all that matters to Kyungsoo is Jongin. All he can see is Jongin’s face, and all he can hear is Jongin’s voice and all he can feel is the growing affection blossoming in his chest.

Kyungsoo is yet to get used to the butterflies.

 

Proud smiles, sparkling eyes and warm acceptance. They announced their relationship to their friends.

Kyungsoo’s heart swells with emotion as the group erupts with joy from one simple sentence, one obvious revelation: _we’re dating_. It had been a confession from Jongin’s part and all Kyungsoo could do was nod his head in affirmation as the two words do wonders to his heart.

Entangled fingers, synced heartbeats and overwhelming emotions.

The butterflies in Kyungsoo’s stomach go wild because everything is new, everything is foreign but everything is most definitely welcomed. Though he’s always had a hand to hold, a shoulder to lean on and a person to trust in Jongin – the emotions, the meanings and the effects have changed.

They’re a couple now – not only in their eyes, but in everyone’s.

 

A sleepover, the start of the rising of the sun and a still-asleep Jongin by his side.

Kyungsoo watches silently, a sweet smile gracing his features and a hand reaching out to run the back of his palm lightly on the side of Jongin’s face. A snore escapes the younger’s lips and Kyungsoo finds it cute.

A sigh of content, a pair of twinkling eyes and a whispered, “ _I love you_.”

Kyungsoo turns his hand and lays his palm on the younger’s cheek, relishing in the warmth it provides. He runs a thumb over the cheekbone and leans in closer, his nose softly bumping onto Jongin’s. Kyungsoo closes his eyes with a serene smile.

A deep rumble of a hum, a snuggle closer, and a gruff, “ _I love you too_.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes snap open as the butterflies in his stomach awaken at the utterance of the beautiful four words.

It’s the first time Jongin replied to his declarations of affection.

 

A simple dinner, a walk in the dark and a plucked blue periwinkle. Their first anniversary.

Nothing lavish, nothing extravagant and maybe rather cliché but Kyungsoo tries to be a romantic. A vibrant smile blooms on Jongin’s face as Kyungsoo offers the tiny flower and tucks it in Jongin’s hair. Kyungsoo isn’t good at this, isn’t knowledgeable in doing heart-melting gestures but Kyungsoo tries his best.

For Jongin, he tries.

Jongin leans down, picks another blue periwinkle and smiles at Kyungsoo, fondly. He threads his fingers through Kyungsoo's hair once, twice before placing the little flower above Kyungsoo's ear. " _Now, we match_ ," he says in a lilted voice.

Little blue flowers. Kyungsoo likes to think that the butterflies in his stomach are of the same shade.

 

Black togas, graduation caps raised high in the air and the cheers of a hundred students.

Kyungsoo looks down and holds the glimmering gold medal hung around his neck. A large grin snakes its way onto Kyungsoo's features and he turns around to face the crowd – eyes falling onto his parents with Jongin standing right beside them.

A step forward from Kyungsoo, another step forward from Jongin and they meet halfway.

" _Congratulations_ ," Jongin whispers and gives Kyungsoo a peck on the forehead. Jongin presents Kyungsoo a rose – a blue rose and Kyungsoo beams up at him, tiptoeing to give the other a peck on the lips.

A clear of a throat, a teasing look from his parents and an unapologetic _sorry_.

" _Kim Jongin, would you like to join us for dinner?_ " cues the burst of life from Kyungsoo's butterflies.

 

A familiar café, familiar coffees, familiar ambiance.

Jongin fiddles with Kyungsoo's fingers, his eyes downcast as Kyungsoo tells his side of the situation softly, patiently. Kyungsoo holds Jongin's chin, gently pushing it to allow him to meet the younger's eyes. " _Jongin."_

A sigh, a pout and a pair of furrowed eyebrows.

Jongin asks in a soft voice and Kyungsoo answers with a gentle smile. _You won't forget about me, right?_ Of course. _You won't find new boys in university?_ Of course not. _You'll visit me?_ Yes, and I will call you daily.

_You'll still love me, right?_

I'll always love you despite anything and everything.

 

A light headache, a pair of tired limps and a lump on the bed. The end of his first day in college.

Kyungsoo reaches for his phone blindly with his eyes closed, an exhausted smile gracing his features when his fingers curl around the familiar device. He peels an eye open, unlocks his phone and presses call.

One ring, two rings, three rings.

" _Hello?_ " and Kyungsoo doesn't feel so tired anymore, his butterflies fluttering softly inside his stomach.

 

Jitters, shaky fingers and a quick press of _call._

Kyungsoo listens to each ring, his weight bouncing on the balls of his feet. His heart pounds wildly against the inside of his chest and Kyungsoo can't wipe the large grin off his face.

A missed call, a furrow of eyebrows and another attempt.

Jongin answers by the fourth ring with a soft, " _Kyungsoo?_ " to which Kyungsoo replies with an excited yelp, his response escaping his mouth in an endless stream of words.

_"I got into the theater club!"_

 

A page full of words, tired fingers flying over the keyboard and a video call notification.

A small smile forms on his lips as Kyungsoo accepts the call, grateful for the distraction from his school work. A window opens and Jongin's beauty graces Kyungsoo's laptop screen.

 _"I miss you, Kyungsoo_."

Kyungsoo's smile slowly becomes somber, his fingers lightly hovering over the screen, wishing it was the real thing – wishing it was skin he's touching. Three months and his heart already yearns for Jongin's presence.

_"I miss you too."_

 

A ring of the doorbell, the clicking of the lock and a smile from Jongin's mother.

She gives him entrance and Kyungsoo walks in with a grateful smile. She points towards Jongin's room, softly saying that he's still asleep. Kyungsoo thanks her and walks towards the room with quiet footsteps. He quietly pushes the bedroom door open and finds the lump under the blanket, a mess of black hair peeking at the top.

Kyungsoo crosses the distance between the door and the bed, slowly easing himself underneath the covers. Kyungsoo weaves an arm around Jongin's waist, moving closer to rid the distance between their bodies and leaving a peck on the nape of Jongin's neck.

" _Good morning, Jongin_."

Kyungsoo spends the day with his chest bursting with emotions and his hand occupied with Jongin's. He almost didn't want to leave.

 

The silent ticking of the clock, the dim moonlight streaming through the blinds and an eerie silence filling the room. 1AM.

Kyungsoo is awake, Jongin is awake. Tired eyes forced open to meet deadlines, fending off sleepiness with mindless babble through online messaging. Jongin rants about a professor he hates. Kyungsoo whines about the endless schoolwork. Jongin asks him about college. Kyungsoo tells him about the role he got for a play.

Jongin says he's going to bed. Kyungsoo says _I love you_.

 

Trembling hands, misty eyes and a thundering heartbeat.

Kyungsoo takes in a deep inhale and presses _call_ on his phone, pressing the device close to his cheek. He closes his eyes and wills his heart to calm down, his brain screaming Jongin's name. He listens to the endless ringing and wishes his shuddering breaths weren't as loud.

One call, two calls, three calls.

All unanswered.

Three minutes before exams start and Kyungsoo only wished to hear Jongin's voice soothe him into a calm state.

Five hours later, Kyungsoo's phone lights up with a notification: " _sorry i was in class_ "

 

Bustling students, practiced lines and an aura of nervousness – all so daunting, yet all so special to Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo checks his phone for the nth time, staring at Jongin's text from twenty minutes ago: _i'm on my way_. A smile blooms on his face and his heart flutters at the thought of what is about to come.

His first theater play.

The lights dim, the music starts and the crowd quietens. It's about to begin.

Kyungsoo coughs and gets ready for his parts.

 

Bright lights, a cheering crowd and a blinding smile.

Kyungsoo's eyes roam the hundreds of people before him as confetti and pink flower petals descend all around them. The girl beside him links her arm with his, pulling him close with a shout of, " _picture!_ " and a series of flashes of a camera.

His heart swells with emotion and he tries to take all of it in. His cheeks hurt from the strain of his smile but he only lets the laughter roll out of his lips, allows himself to bask in the attention.

Kyungsoo's eyes catch on the sight of light streaming in through the door and he finds his butterflies bursting into life at the sight of a familiar figure walking towards the front.

Kyungsoo's throat constricts as emotions overtake his brain and he waves high up in the air, eyes trained on Jongin. Kyungsoo clears his throat, coughs the weight lodged in his throat away as Jongin thrusts the bouquet of flowers towards Kyungsoo's direction from thirty feet away.

Kyungsoo looks down as he feels his cheeks heat up and briefly appreciates the lone blue flower amongst the pink and gold.

He meets Jongin's eyes, mouths an, " _I love you_ ," and the lights go dark.

 

A grunt, a headache and an itchy throat.

It's the sixth morning he woke up in such a state and Kyungsoo thinks college is starting to take a toll on him. Kyungsoo pushes himself up into a sitting position and finds a mess of petals falling off of his chest. He turns around and finds a couple of blue flowers littering the white covers.

Kyungsoo looks at the vase beside his bed, containing the bouquet of blue flowers he received from Jongin on his first acting role and a somber smile graces his features at the sight of it withering and falling.

Kyungsoo still thinks it's beautiful.

 

A walk around campus, a breath of fresh air, and an exhausted sigh.

Kyungsoo doesn't have much free time these days but he likes to pretend he does. He needs a break from all the schoolwork demanding for his time and attention, draining him of his energy. It's only been less than a year into college and Kyungsoo already feels suffocated, feels as if the environment can no longer provide him the amount of oxygen his body needs.

Kyungsoo sits down, closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath.

He lets out a weary exhale, his eyes slowly fluttering open to the sight of little blue periwinkles. A soft smile graces his features as he takes a photo of the flowers and sends it to Jongin with a, " _this reminded me of you._ "

The reply comes after an hour.

_youre so sappy._

 

Another mark on the calendar, another day closer to the end of the school year, another sigh of relief.

Kyungsoo leans back on his chair, limbs beyond tired but he fishes his phone out and presses _call_. The phone rings beside his ear in a steady rhythm and Kyungsoo closes his eyes for a second, waiting for Jongin to answer the call.

Kyungsoo ends up falling asleep.

 

The next morning, another call, no answer.

 

A few days after, a message notification, a sparkle in Kyungsoo's eyes.

A " _sorry been busy with graduation,_ " and excitement flurries inside Kyungsoo's stomach. Kyungsoo replies animatedly and switches to the calendar application to mark the date of his travel back home to celebrate with Jongin.

Jongin ends the conversation due to the start of his next class. Kyungsoo's throat itches.

 

Tired eyes, a stack of books and an opened laptop.

Kyungsoo sees Jongin online and opens a video call, hoping to find some company in the cold of the night. Kyungsoo stifles a yawn and turns a page from the book, the large blocks of text blurring into one incoherent mess of words.

The laptop stops ringing and Kyungsoo turns, a warm smile tugging at his lips despite the exhaustion at the sight of Jongin's beautiful yet tired face. He greets the younger with a, " _hey there, beau –_ " but a cough cuts through his sentence and Jongin's eyebrows furrow.

" _Are you sick?_ " but Kyungsoo waves it off.

The call lasts for thirty minutes before Jongin excuses himself to go to bed.

 

Trembling hands, teary eyes, shallow breaths.

Kyungsoo curls in on himself, his fingers weaving into his hair, entangling itself with its strands and tugging harshly. He takes in a deep breath but the oxygen doesn't reach his lungs quite as well as it used to and Kyungsoo exhales shakily. A tear slips and a cough wracks his body.

Kyungsoo reaches for his phone, desperate to hear Jongin's voice and presses _call_.

Jongin doesn't pick up.

Kyungsoo finds pretty blue flowers stained with droplets of blood, and cries.

 

" _I'm coming home tomorrow for your graduation_."

           " _You have exams next week, Kyungsoo._ "

" _It’s okay. I want to see you._ "

           " _Kyungsoo... don't._ "

 

A backpack, a train ride home and a playlist to accompany him.

Kyungsoo leans back against the metal seat, sucking in a deep breath that never reaches its destination. His fingers tremble as he tightens his grip on his backpack, his eyes forced shut. His throat itches and itches with every passing minute and Kyungsoo tries his best to keep himself from coughing.

He fishes for his phone, dials Jongin's number and presses _call_. He opens an eye but doesn't bring the phone next to his ear, only watches the phone ring and vibrate in his hand.

A deep breath, a shaky exhale – a repeating process that never satisfies his needs.

Kyungsoo coughs. The line goes dead. Jongin didn't answer.

With a shallow sigh, Kyungsoo looks down at the blue flowers in his hand.

 

A familiar city, a familiar street, familiar houses. Kyungsoo finds himself home.

Kyungsoo drags his limbs closer and closer to the house his family resides him, a sullen smile forced in between coughs as he finds little blue flowers litter his trail home. He knocks on the door and his mother's smile is blinding as she holds him in a tight hug. Kyungsoo laughs weakly, his chest tightening by the second.

 

Black togas, graduation caps and a crowd of eager students.

Kyungsoo watches silently at the very back as each graduate comes up on stage to accept their diplomas and medals, his brain slowly losing itself in the memories of a blue rose and a beautiful smile. The smile on his face gets wiped off by the cough that wracks his body. Kyungsoo takes in a shaky inhale.

A call for _Kim Jongin_ , an applause and a familiar figure walking on the stage.

Kyungsoo's body trembles, his knees going weak as his eyes train on the man he loves. He inhales and exhales, inhales and exhales, inhales and exhales – but it's never enough and his vision blurs and his heart beats wildly against his chest. Everything is suffocating and his lungs is desperate for a breath of fresh air.

Kyungsoo finds himself tumbling towards the exit with uncoordinated limbs. He pushes the door open and falls on his hands and knees, retching and retching endlessly. His shoulders quake and Kyungsoo opens his eyes, finds pretty blue flowers that aren't so pretty anymore.

_Forget-me-nots._

Kyungsoo didn't forget, as he had promised, but the flowers growing inside him tell him that somebody did.

 

 

Kyungsoo loved the butterflies Jongin gave him until he remembered that where there are butterflies, _flowers bloom_.

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: [@dokyungporn](http://twitter.com/dokyungporn)


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